I Saw God

I received a word from God this past week from two different women. The first was a stranger who bravely shared her testimony via Zoom all the way from Florida to us in our sanctuary in Summertown Baptist Church in southeast Georgia. The other was from a friend who has the gift of tongues. God has allowed me to interpret and understand that I must share what he has laid on my heart.

I have never shared with many people because I … well I just thought people would think I am crazy or not telling the truth, but it is true. I will tell it the best I can and have asked God for help. I can do nothing without Him.

My mother died a horrible death. She was sick for several weeks, very nauseous and unable to eat. She felt she was throwing up blood, but the doctors dismissed it. We were told many different things were wrong with her by different doctors, but none had the correct diagnosis.

Finally, I asked Mama to please go to the local doctor that I used. He saw her and put her in the hospital that day for tests. That night I got a call that she had been moved to ICU. We talked on the phone, and we decided it would be best if I Daddy and I came the following morning to see her.

When we got there, Mama looked and sounded good. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company. By this point she had started to bleed pretty badly when she used the bedside pan. The doctor came in to speak to us and told us that Mama would be moved to Savannah for an ulcer to be cauterized. I will never forget the way she looked at me on that stretcher. Her eyes pierced through me with love and longing that I cannot explain. She wanted me to ride on the ambulance with her, but they would not let me. I told her that I loved her and would see her when we all got to the next hospital. I got to see her very briefly in Savannah. They insisted that she be wheeled out immediately for the procedure.

Close family came, and we waited. Soon, we were called into one of those little conference rooms. Mama “had coded.” The ulcer was punctured during the procedure. I fell to the floor sobbing. They had brought her back, and I still had hope. It was a long night. I finally got to see her. Blood was coming from every crevice of her body. Sixty-four pints had been given, but it just came pouring back out. Daddy was asked to make a decision. The efforts and machines were stopped. I sat with her and talked to her and told her what a good Mama and Nanny she was and that we all loved her. Mama died January 24, 2009.

We buried her in shock and daze. Then Satan began the attacks-convincing me it was my fault. I didn’t sleep or eat. I saw counselors. I would sit and scream and cry and literally pull my hair out. I mean I should have known months earlier it was an ulcer. It could have been taken care of, and Mama would still be here. After all, I needed her. See, I blamed myself. I even heard God say to me one night in the closet as I cried out to Him while my children slept. I heard deep within me, “Who do you think you are? You do not control who lives and dies!”

THEN one night, I had a vision. This I know: I was not asleep. I was sitting up in my bed. The lights were out, but there was a bright light above my head. I saw Mama. She was beautiful, young, and healthy. She said, “You must stop doing this to yourself. I am happier than I have ever been.” A peace came over me, and instantly the attacks and torment ceased. I will never forget it. Every detail is etched in my brain. She had on a pink top. Her teeth and face were white and glowing. The smile she had was so peaceful. I did reach out to touch her, but when the words were spoken she was gone. I have not seen her again.

That was God. My mother did not come to visit me that night, but my Father in Heaven did. He used the face of one I had seen and let me know Mama is with Him, and I will see her again. He loves me so much. He did not and has not given up on me.

This message is for someone out there. God speaks to us all the time. We must listen and reflect when praying and reading His Word. Sitting here now. This is still so hard to grasp. The love He has for each of us is a love that I don’t know if we will fully understand on this side of Heaven. He is good. He is sovereign. His ways are not our ways. The peace and joy I now have is truly unexplainable, but it is there for everyone He created in His image. He loves us so much. May we be obedient and love in return.

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